Breaking Generational Cycles: How Complex Trauma Passes Through Families and How to Stop the Pattern

By: Sharhonda Webster, MA, LPC | Founder of Redemptive Pathways

“What we don’t heal, we often pass down.”

Imagine a child who grew up in a home where no one talked about feelings. When they cried, they were told to “toughen up.” When anger filled the house, they learned to stay quiet and small. When caregivers were overwhelmed, they shut down—leaving the child to make sense of life alone.

Fast forward years later. That child is now an adult, but the patterns remain. They struggle to trust others, avoid conflict at all costs, or sometimes explode when emotions feel too heavy. They may even catch themselves parenting the way they swore they never would. This is how generational trauma works. What isn’t healed often gets handed down. And unless we pause to notice, we may end up repeating the very cycles that once hurt us.

Complex trauma doesn’t just affect an individual—it ripples through families and can shape generations. Many people find themselves repeating patterns they swore they would never repeat, not because they want to, but because unhealed wounds silently guide their behaviors, relationships, and parenting. The good news is: those cycles can be broken. Healing is possible, and it can start with you.

What Is Generational Trauma?

Generational (or intergenerational) trauma happens when the pain, beliefs, and survival strategies of one generation are passed down to the next. Sometimes this happens through:

• Behaviors and patterns: A parent who struggles with emotional regulation may model anger or avoidance.

• Beliefs and messages: “Don’t trust anyone,” “We don’t talk about our problems,” or “Love has to hurt.”

• Unspoken wounds: Children may “pick up” on stress, shame, or fear in the home, even when it’s never directly explained.

Trauma doesn’t only pass through words—it’s carried in how we show up in relationships, how we parent, and even how our bodies respond to stress.

How Complex Trauma Moves Through Families

Complex trauma is ongoing, often interpersonal trauma—such as abuse, neglect, or growing up in a chaotic environment. When left unaddressed, it doesn’t just stay with one person—it echoes through generations in powerful ways.

• Attachment Styles – Children of emotionally unavailable or unsafe caregivers often grow into adults who struggle with trust, closeness, or boundaries.

  For example: someone who never felt safe opening up as a child may keep their guard up in every relationship, even with people who truly care for them.

• Coping Mechanisms – If a parent coped with alcohol, anger, or shutting down, children may inherit those same strategies.

  For example: a child who watched a parent drink to “numb out” may grow up reaching for alcohol, food, or other habits when life feels overwhelming.

• Unspoken Rules – “Don’t feel. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.” These silent rules keep families stuck in secrecy and shame.

  For example: in a family where emotions were dismissed or mocked, a child may learn to bury their feelings, only to become an adult who doesn’t know how to express or even recognize their own needs.

• Physical Health – Trauma doesn’t just affect emotions; studies show it can alter stress hormones and even gene expression, meaning it literally imprints itself on the body and can be carried across generations.

  For example: a person raised in constant fight-or-flight environments may develop chronic anxiety, high blood pressure, or autoimmune issues that mirror what their parents or grandparents experienced under stress.

These patterns aren’t chosen—but they are repeated until someone decides to break the cycle.

Choosing a Different Story

Here’s the hopeful part: cycles can be broken. Healing doesn’t mean erasing the past, but it does mean writing a new chapter.

Breaking the cycle often looks like:

• Awareness – Recognize and name the patterns you inherited that no longer serve you. Healing begins with noticing what has been passed down so you can choose differently.

• Support – Reach out for safe spaces to process your story—whether through therapy, faith communities, mentors, or trusted relationships. You don’t have to do this alone.

• Regulation – Learn tools that help calm your body and mind so you can respond instead of react. Practices like deep breathing, prayer, grounding, or journaling create space for healthier choices.

• Relearning Love – Practice boundaries, emotional safety, and vulnerability in your relationships. This means giving and receiving love in healthier ways—rooted in honesty, respect, and grace.

• Redemption – Rewrite the story you pass down. By breaking harmful patterns, you create a legacy of healing, hope, and restoration for future generations.

The Courage to Heal

If you’ve ever whispered to yourself, “This stops with me,” know that you are not alone. Breaking generational cycles is some of the hardest—and holiest—work you will ever do.

You may stumble, and the old patterns may still rise up, but every time you pause, breathe, and choose differently, you are planting new seeds. You are rewriting the story for yourself, your children, and generations after you.

That is the power of breaking generational cycles.

👉 You don’t have to do it alone.

At Redemptive Pathways, we walk with individuals and families who are ready to heal from complex trauma and create new legacies. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation today at redemptivepathways.org.